On the morning of March 18th, I landed at Taoyuan Airport of Taipei.
After having lived in NYC for 32 years, and mingling with people flying back and forth between NYC and Taipei for 32 years, I finally made my first trip.
When I was a child growing up in Shandong province of China, Taiwan was not a place we could ever imagine going to and from.
In 1993, just a few years after the Taiwan strait opened up for people on both sides, I came to the US. Then, mainland China became the place I devoted all of my spare time to with family members and friends I needed to see and new places I wanted to explore.
Taiwan did not stand out among quite a few interesting places I longed to visit.
Until, pretty recently, with my wisdom enhanced by advancing knowledge and age, something dawned on me -
Without Taiwan, I would not be who I am. The moment I came to this revelation, I purchased my flight ticket to Taiwan, during the nearest school break I had.
To go there meant to touch the source of the spring that nourished my growth.
*********
Back to Taoyuan Airport. I took a 1-hour bus, then a 30-minute transit train, and arrived at Dan Shui station. Dan Shui （淡水）, officially written as Tamsui, is to the northwest of Taipei, a historical town on the Dan Shui River. After getting two bags of plums marinated with oolong tea and wine from the old town market, I dropped off my small carry on sized suitcase in my shelf-check inn.
Quickly, I left the inn, boarded a westbound bus and went all the way to the mouth of Dan Shui, where the river flew into Taiwan Strait （台湾海峡）. The famous Fisherman's Wharf was there, but that was not what I went to see.
I walked in the neighborhood of Sha Lun （沙仑）, where there stood mostly 1-5 story low buildings with a few high rises. I walked back and forth on the streets, looked up and down the few high rises, trying to match the photo of one high rise on my mind to one of these. At the end, I was not sure, so I said to myself - it is this area and good enough for now.
Zhang Yusheng （张雨生）lived in one of these high rises. On the night of his deadly car accident, he had lived in this neighborhood for two years. Many of the 365 x 2 days, after a long day of work in Taipei, he retreated to one of these buildings, entering his love nest.
But not on the day of 1997.10.20 when he drove to a highway curb and got seriously injured in his crushed car.
我的未来不是梦，我认真地过每一分钟。
My future is not a dream. I live every minute with sincerity.
我的未来不是梦，我的心跟着希望在动。
My future is not a dream. My heart moves with my hopes.
One day when I was in college, I heard these lines sung by a smooth clear voice with a high pitch that flew into the sky. The beauty of his voice impressed these lines one my head, enticing me to chew them again and again. Future. Dream. Hope. Heart. Being sincere every minute. These words fired up some of my brain cells and opened up new channels of energy flow in my mind.
Yusheng was born on the Penghu Islands of Taiwan in 1966, just a few months ahead of me. The first decade of our lives, he was immersed in movies, stories, songs, from the East and West; I was living through the Cultural Revolution, immersed in slogans or movies and stories with revolutionary plots. The second decade of our lives, his earlier immersion had inspired him to create. His songs, and other songs created and sung by his peers came across the strait to the ears of my peers, around my college time.
A few months before Yusheng, the whole nation was electrified by Fei Xiang （费翔）, another singer from Taiwan who sang 《冬天里的一把火》A Flame in the Winter while doing “wild” disco moves.
你就像那冬天里的一把火
熊熊火焰温暖了我的心窝
每次当你悄悄走进我身边
火光照亮了我
你的大眼睛明亮又闪烁，
仿佛天上星星最亮的一颗。
You are like a fire in winter
The blazing flame warms my heart
Every time you quietly walk besides me
The firelight illuminates me
Your big eyes are bright and shining
Like the brightest star in the sky
Flame. Passion. Love. Open expression. Tantalizing moves. On 1987.1.28, many minds were lit up, by this new spectacle of singing and dancing.
*********
After pacing through the Jia Lun neighborhood imaging Yusheng pulling his car into this parking lot or that parking lot, I went to see the sunset on the water where Dan Shui met the ocean. I learned that the view was inspirational to Yusheng -
"I have lived in Dan Shui for two years. It is a place with a spirit. Every day I drive between Taipei downtown and Dan Shui. When I turn left, I see Guanyin Mountain, and when I turn right, I see the ocean, the Taiwan Strait. To my front is the estuary. The look of Dan Shui is magnificent and changes throughout the day. For me, much creative inspiration comes from Dan Shui. There is a large sea here for me to look at while thinking. When I run out of ideas or are in low mood, I stand on my balcony or the rooftop and watch the sea. At dawn, noon, and dusk, the sun shines on the sea, the wave lines fluctuate, and the colors change. Deep at night, the moonlight sprays on the ocean surface. The simplicity and dynamism of the ocean excite me."
"住在淡水两年了，这里真的是很有灵气的地方…… 每天我开着车往返市区、郊外，当我向左转是观音山、向右转是海，应该说是台湾海峡。正面是出海口，淡水的景色气象万千，从早到晚都有变化，对我而言，创作时很多的灵感都是在淡水….. 在这里有一大片海可让我瞭望、想东西。没灵感、低潮时，我就站在阳台或顶楼，俯瞰海面，黎明、中午、黄昏时分，夕阳洒在海面上，海潮纹路波动，颜色变化，深夜时，月光躺在海上，大海的朴实生动令我雀跃。"
When it became dark, I jumped on an eastbound bus, riding back, past Dan Shui center where I lived, and got off at Zhu Wei （竹围）. I asked a passerby where Ma Jie Hospital （马偕医院） was, and she pointed to a tall building across from the street.
After Yusheng was pulled out of the crushed car, he was sent to the emergency room of Ma Jie Hospital. There, he fought for his life for 21 days, and was not able to pull it through.
I stepped into the hospital, a quite friendly one. I passed a few stores and a restaurant on the first floor and approached the emergency room. I saw a few doctors and nurses passing by. I then exited the building, facing the front door, bowed to the building and stood in silence.
I got on the bus, and rode a few stops westward to Dan Shui. Soon, we passed a stop called Hong Shu Lin, the Red Tree Forest. I stood up from my seat, my eyes piercing through the windows and stared at the V shaped curb that took the life of Yusheng.
Back to the hotel room, I looked out of the window. Guan Yin Mountain was the backdrop of Dan Shui River. In dark, both took their positions with elegance and peace.
In searching for a low cost hotel, I made sure I got one that was right between where Yusheng lived and where he departed the world. With just a bit of added cost, I got a room facing the mountain and river.
Each night, I looked out of the window, watching the cars rushing east and west. I imagined Yusheng driving through, again and again, and then, stop, suddenly.
如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
......
如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
请全部带走
If the ocean can bring back the love I once had
Let me wait for it for my whole life
.......
If the ocean can take away my sorrow
just like it takes away every river
All the injuries I have suffered
All the tears I have shed
My love
Please take it away
《大海》Ocean is another song that Zhang Yusheng sung that deeply touched my generation.
How much I seemed to be obsessed in Yusheng, how much gratitude I hold toward him and his peers.
《我是公社小社员》A Little Member of the People's Commune
《学习雷锋好榜样》Soldier Lei Feng My Great Role Model
《红星照我去战斗》The Red Star Shines On My Way to Fight
My childhood songs certainly gave no hint of everyday human feelings, though we did not miss one once of it.
*********
After Taipei, I went south. I took a high speed train to Jia Yi, a bus to Bu Dai, and then a boat to Peng Hu.
Sometime in 1949, Yusheng’s father, a 22-year old solider from Jia Xing （嘉兴）town of Zhe Jiang （浙江） province, landed on Penghu island. The soldiers moved into a group of small flat row houses called Juan Cun. While some Juan Cun houses were built from scratch, Yusheng’s father and his fellows moved into one built by the Japanese who just evacuated after giving back the island to China after World War II. Their village got named Du Xing Shi Cun (笃行十村). It perched on a high spot on the southwest end of Magong Island, the largest of Penghu Islands.
I got on shore at Magong, dropped off my luggage in the inn, and went directly to Du Xing Shi Cun.
After a long 15 years, when this young solider from Zhe Jiang met a beautiful young woman of Tai Ya tribe （泰雅族）who also was a member of Yi Gong Dui （艺工队）(the performing art unit of the army), he got his chance and married. When their first child was born, the father planned to name him Peng Sheng（澎生）, meaning born in Peng Hu. But he changed it to Yu Sheng （雨生）, meaning born in the rain, because Peng Hu uncharacteristically rained heavily for seven days.
There, in the now long emptied out village, Yusheng’s former family rooms had been turned into a Yusheng Story Gallery. While the posters largely gave information I already knew, I stood in front of two handwritten letters of Yusheng to his father. I was struck by his handwriting, language and manner. His characters were handsome, his language was concise but expressive, and his manner was one of genuine respect for his father.
One letter was written when he just got into the army. He described how tough the new solider training was, how much he learned, and how he and his fellows counted on the days when they would finish the training. At the end, he wished his father Jin An (金安). I never heard of Jin An, Golden Peace, but I immediately understood that it means Peace to a person as precious as gold. To me, it was one of the many hints that Yusheng's upbringing, at this humble corner of Penghu, was genuinely classic Chinese.
Yusheng was close to his father. Often at night, he went with his father to the village movie theatre to watch movies. His father loved listening to Xiang Sheng and Chinese regional theatre shows, and Yusheng followed him. This passion made his family the first in the village to have a color TV and Yusheng would head a group of children to watch the TV programs.
I walked in the village, and sat under the big banyan tree where Yusheng told stories and sang to the village children at their after-supper free gatherings.
Less than two yards from Yusheng’s home, was the home of Pan Anbang (潘安邦). I went to pay my respect to him also.
When Yusheng was born, Pan Anbang was already a teenager. His father was an officer from the town of Wenzhou (温州), also of Zhe Jiang Province. Like Yusheng's father, being among the lucky ones of the single soldiers, he got to make a family by marrying a local Penghu woman with ancestry from Fujian. When he had his son, he named him Anbang, meaning “settling down the nation”.
Anbang’s maternal grandma lived in downtown Magong, half a mile away from Du Xing Shi Cun. She made a living by selling beansprouts. Anbang, in his childhood, would go to his grandma’s house regularly to help water the sprouting beans, and carry the sprouted beans to the town market to sell.
His grandma would pick him up from school. While she held a cane in one hand, she always used the other hand to hold Anbang’s little hand. She cooked for him, told him stories, and walked on the beach with him.
As an emerging young singer, Anbang told his story to Ye Jiaxiu, a song writer. Ye Jiaxiu wrote a song named Grandma’s Penghu Bay.
晚风轻拂澎湖湾 白浪逐沙滩
没有椰林缀斜阳 只是一片海蓝蓝
坐在门前的矮墙上 一遍遍怀想
也是黄昏的沙滩上 有着脚印两对半
The evening breeze blows gently over Penghu Bay, white waves chase the beach
There are no coconut trees to hang up the setting sun, just a blue sea
Sitting on the low wall in front of the door, reminiscing over and over
Also on the beach at dusk
Were two and a half pairs of footprints
那是外婆拄着杖 将我手轻轻挽
踩着薄暮走向余晖暖暖的澎湖湾
一个脚印是笑语一串消磨许多时光
直到夜色吞没我俩在回家的路上
That was my grandma leaning on a cane and gently holding my hand
Walking towards the warm afterglow of Penghu Bay in the twilight
Each footprint came with a string of laughter that killed a lot of time
Until the night swallowed us on the way home
澎湖湾 澎湖湾 外婆的澎湖湾
有我许多的童年幻想
阳光 沙滩 海浪 仙人掌
还有一位老船长
Penghu Bay Penghu Bay Grandma's Penghu Bay
It holds many of my childhood fantasies
Sunshine, beach, waves, cactus
and also an old captain
Pang Anbang’s singing echoed in the air of my college campus.
Grandma. Holding hands. We immediately became connected to the singer.
Sand beach. Blue ocean. Cactus. An old Captain. Beautiful things so exotic to us. But because we felt connected to the singer, the beauty entered our heart.
I walked out of Pan Anbang’s family house. Before the ground slanted to make a slope that led to the beach, there stretched a low wall. On the wall, sat the statues of a grandma and a child. That must be the wall in the song.
I stood next to the wall, and touched the wall. I looked at the harbor, boats entering and departing this main harbor of Peng Hu. I walked down to the beach.
阳光 沙滩 海浪 仙人掌
还有一位老船长
Sunshine, beach, waves, cactus
and also an old captain
I played this song aloud on my phone, while strolling back and forth.
When the song was done, YouTube sent me another song of Pan Anbang.
跟着感觉走，紧抓住梦的手
脚步越来越轻越来越温柔
心情就像风一样自由
突然发现一个完全不同的我
Follow my feelings and hold onto my dreams
My steps are getting lighter and lighter
My mood is as free as the wind
Suddenly I find a completely different me
I remember the beautiful music and mysterious lyric often lingering on my mind in college years. Follow my feelings. What does it mean? Finding a new me? What does that mean?
On that day, 40 years after college, on the beach of Penghu Bay, the answer became never so clear. The song brought us a vision of life, one different from what we had. My mind became more flexible, more stretchable.
I thought it would be a 奢望 (extravagant hope) to find the home of Anbang’s grandma, a grandma that appeared once in a pop song. Still, on my way back to the inn, I asked several street vendors. Each pointed me to the same exact place. It turned out, Anbang's grandma lived on the old street a few steps from my inn and I had passed it several times.
In front of the traditional Chinese style flat house on a super narrow lane, I squatted down to see a plaque on the ground. It says the house was a barber shop during the Japanese governing era, and after World War II when Japanese left, there lived the grandma of Pan Anbang.
That night, I went to sleep, feeling immensely peaceful and connected, to this island.
*************
On the third day, as there were no boats going to Taiwan that day (I learned Penghu locals call Taiwan main island Taiwan and their Penghu islands Penghu), I flew from Penghu to Tai Zhong (台中), officially spelled as Taichung.
At the Family Mart cutely translated as Quan Jia (全家 "Whole Family") at Taichung airport, I bought the last bottle of Coca Cola, two bottles of Hey Song Sarsaparilla （黑松沙士), two roasted chicken wings and one steamed meat bun. These were for Yusheng. In the Penghu exhibit, I learned that he liked these items.
A taxi brought me to the Da Du Mountain Garden Cemetery of （大度山花园公墓）. I found Yusheng’s exquisitely designed tomb yard, the work of his father.
Guitar and music notes were inscribed on the walls. A pavilion with benches and a table was built for visitors with a heart-warming sign "朋友，走累了吧，来休息一下！” (Friend, you must be tired after much walking. Rest for a bit here.) In inscribed messages by the family, despite sporadic lines expressing sadness, I saw proud parents and siblings celebrating the work of their child and brother. I saw a belief that was spiritual, the belief that Yusheng just entered a different world ahead of them.
“相信他不是弃我们而去，只是 ‘别有天地非人间’，热衷音乐的他，抢先开路去了。”
"We believe he did not desert us. There exists a world that is not the human world. He, the music lover, rushed ahead to explore it for us all."
I laid out the food and drink on the tombstone of Yusheng. Next to him, lied his father who passed away 14 years after him, and his younger sister, who drowned, at the age of 15, in a stream during a family barbecue picnic.
She was the singer of the family, so talented that her parents poured their limited resources on her singing and piano lessons. Being very close to this sister, the tragedy was so hard for Yusheng, a then college student majoring in diplomacy in Zhengzhi University. Having never sung in public, Yusheng decided to sing for people, on behalf of his sister. He participated in a singing contest, and won an award. He formed a band, and they won awards. He started to write songs, and won awards.
Yusheng’s tomb is often visited by fans, particularly on his birthday and Qing Ming Festival. That day, I was the only one. That allowed the shy me to speak up. I introduced myself, thanked Yusheng, and wished him peace and joy in his world.
Then I asked the driver to take me to Fengyuan High School (丰原高中), where Yusheng studied. Fengyuan is a district of Taichung, where Yusheng’s family lived after they moved out of Penghu when Yusheng was 9.
I stood in front of the high school gate. Students in groups of two or three walked toward and then out of the gate. The gate faced a street lined up with small stores. I imagined Yusheng coming out of the gate sometimes to get a drink or snack.
Nothing out of the ordinary. Extraordinary people make the ordinary extraordinary.
Being in Taichung, another singer, Qi Qin (齐秦) came to my mind.
Also on my college campus, Qi Qin made a storm after Fei Xiang and a bit before Zhang Yusheng.
《大约在冬季》 Probably in the Winter
轻轻地我将离开你
请将眼角的泪拭去
漫漫长夜里 未来日子里
亲爱的你别为我哭泣
Quietly, I'm about the depart from you
Please wipe off your tears
In the long nights and long days
Dear please do not cry for me
前方的路虽然太凄迷
请在笑容里为我祝福
虽然迎着风 虽然下着雨
我在风雨之中念着你
Although the road forward is bleak
please pray for me with a smile
Although my path will be rainy and windy
I'll be missing you in the rain and wind.
没有你的日子里
我会更加珍惜自己
没有我的岁月里
你要保重你自己
The days without you
I'll cherish myself more
The years without me
You'll take care of yourself more
你问我何时归故里
我也轻声地问自己
不是在此时
不知在何时
我想大约在冬季
You ask me when I'll return home
I ask myself quietly the same question
It's not now
It's not sure when
I think it might be in the winter.
How eye-opening – that gentleness between lovers.
Growing up, in the movies and novels I saw, the characters, especially the positive ones, never seemed to have a family, let alone falling in love and trying to handle its emotional complexities. The only time I got close to something like that was reading half way through a book that my parents didn’t properly “clean away” – just at the fascinating point when the young man main character outside a window started to sing a love song to the young woman character some distance away inside the window, my mother found out what I was up to and snatched the book away.
我是一匹来自北方的狼
走在无垠的旷野中
凄厉的北风吹过
漫漫的黄沙掠过
我只有咬着冷冷的牙
报以两声长啸
不为别的
只为那传说中美丽的草原
I'm a wolf from the north
walking in the boundless wilderness
the shrill north wind blows
the endless yellow sand sweeps by
I can only grit my cold teeth
and respond with two long howls
I'm here, not for anything else
but for the beautiful prairie I heard in the legend
As a college student, the line “我是一匹来自北方的狼” truly puzzled me. I didn’t know what he was trying to say. But just the image of a lonely wolf on an open plain in sharp northern wind clouded by yellow sand was captivating enough for me.
In hindsight now 40 years later, the song exposed us to real art which manages to bring you to a 意境, an artistic state.
Qi Qin’s father was from Hei Long Jiang province, and his mother was from Shan Dong province. His father was a legal expert coming to Taiwan with the government in 1949. Qi Qin was quite lost as a teenager and was sent to Zhang Hua Juvenile Detention Center for three years . When he came out of it, his sister Qi Yu bought him a guitar using the money she earned in a singing contest; his father grounded him at home for a full year with a forced schedule of calligraphy practice, English, ancient Chinese, guitar.
Each of these singers, I could make a trip about. For this trip, I chose to focus on Zhang Yusheng.
I spent the late afternoon sitting in Fengyuan Bus Terminal. I was learning the logistics and gauging the risks of going up to Li Shan Mountain (梨山), where Zhang Yusheng’s family run an inn out of their previous family mountain house. Zhang Yusheng continued writing and composing songs after he became very famous, often in this house where he could hide from the public view.
The inn is situated in the Song Mao Bu Luo of Li Shan at an altitude of 1956 feet. Before the trip, I watched some videos posted by travelers and the government. The road just looked scary to me. A very narrow road, meandering through the mountains. Outside the low or sometimes zero fence on the roadside, often are deep cliffs. When it rains, rocks on the mountain may slide down.
I found the Head of the station and expressed my concerns, frankly. He said they had not had an accident for a long long time. That was reassuring enough and I decided to go the next day.
*********
After 3.5 hours, the bus climbed up the Li Shan mountain top.
Picking me up were Yusheng’s younger brother Yujun and his wife Xiao Jin. Yujun brought my luggage up to the second floor room, a room with an expansive view of the mountain peaks and valleys.
I went downstairs to the living room while Xiaojin turned on songs by Yusheng. I choked with emotions. In the room were award plates, CDs, two guitars used by Yusheng. Books he read, such as Jin Yong’s Martial Art novels (金庸武侠), original history books 《二十四史》《四书五经》 series. Xiaojin said there were many more books that Yusheng read packed way in boxes.
Yusheng’s lyrics are very powerful. Other than the Xiang Sheng he listened to and the movies he watched with his father, he immersed himself in books. Jin Yong’s language is superb. Original history books have ancient Chinese that is succinct and direct, being familiar with it allows one to write modern Chinese extra powerfully.
Yusheng was nurtured by Jin Yong, as Pan Anbang was nurtured by Qiong Yao (琼瑶), facts I learned by visiting these places.
Jing Yong and Qiong Yao both were refugees of the Civil War who went to Hong Kong (Jin Yong 1948) and Taiwan (Qiong Yao 1949). They survived and created work of authentic Chinese heritage, which, then, influenced people 1-3 decades younger who then further created work to nourish the larger Chinese community, including mine.
When I was growing up, on one hand, the work of Qiong Yao and Jin Yong could not penetrate into my world; on the other hand, the potential Qiong Yao and Jin Yong on mainland were nipped in the bud. My mother wrote a fiction that was published the year she was graduating from college. While it was being printed in the print house, a call to halt it came in, and that was the end of her fiction. Years later, I read her original manuscripts, and remembered a few sections with two college students dating.
The next morning, I bid farewell to Xiaojin and rode Guo Guang （国光号）Bus down from Li Shan to Yi Lan （宜兰）. It was four hours of continuous mountain road, with endless V turns. Even with motion sickness medicine, I threw up.
That was the road Yusheng took when he was a college student. In one interview, when he was asked what he looked forward to during the upcoming winter break, he said "I cannot wait to jump on a Guo Guang bus to get home!"
**********
While I was still in Tai Pei, I spent a day searching for the traces of Li Shuangze (李双泽) in Dan Jiang.
On Shui Yuan Street (水源街) Section 2 Lane 140 No.8, I found the remains of the shack he lived during and after college. It was nicknamed The Zoo. In The Zoo, he and a few friends sang and wrote songs there, among them are The Young China《少年中国》and The Beautiful Island《美丽岛》.
The Young China《少年中国》
我们隔着迢遥的山河，去看望祖国的土地
你用你的足迹，我用我的哀歌。
你对我说：
古老的中国不要乡愁，乡愁是给没有家的人。
少年的中国不要乡愁，乡愁是个不回家的人呢。
Across vast mountains and rivers, we look at our motherland
You use your feet, I use my songs of sorrowness
You told me:
The ancient China does not want homesickness, it is for people without a home.
The young China does not want homesickness, it is for people who do not return home.
我们摇篮的美丽岛 是母亲温暖的怀抱
骄傲的祖先正视着 正视着我们的脚步
他们一再重复地叮咛 不要忘记 不要忘记
他们一再重复地叮咛 筚路蓝缕以启山林
Our cradle, the beautiful island, is the warm embrace of our mother.
Our proud ancestors are watching our each step
They remind us, again and again, not to forget
They remind us, again and again, to start from scratch to open up the mountain and forests.
我们这里有无穷的生命
水牛 稻米 香蕉 玉兰花
我们的名字就是美丽
在汪洋中最瑰丽的珍珠。
Our vitality is endless
buffalo, rice, bananas, magnolias
Our name is Beauty
a most beautiful pearl in the vast ocean
In the first song, we feel the longing for the mainland China. In the other song, we feel his pride of the Taiwan island he stood on.
These two beautiful songs, I never heard until recent years, so they are not on the list of songs influencing my youth.
But Li Shuang Ze threw a coca cola bottle, and that largely started the Chinese song creation and singing movement that nurtured my youth.
On 1976.12.3, Li Shuang Ze went to the stage to sing for an audience in Dan Jiang University. After a few English songs, he made a sudden and unexpected speech to vent a complaint he had long harbored – "I drink coca cola made in the US; we sing Beatle songs made in the US. Let’s sing our own songs!" Upon shouting the last line, he threw up a coca cola bottle up in the air that fell into the audience.
This action got reported in the media. It stirred things up, across many sectors of the society. Li Shuangze himself also picked up a pen to write songs because people said to him “It’s not that we do want to sing our songs. We do not have our own songs to sing.”
Without Li Shuang Ze, there might not have been Zhang Yusheng, Fei Xiang, Qi Qin, Pan An Bang, Ye Jiaxiu, or, not so quickly, not quickly enough to have impacted me during my formative years.
After visiting The Zoo, I entered Dan Da campus, found the Shepherd’s Lawn, and went to the stone memorial for Li Shuangze on which inscribed a line "唱自己的歌" (Sing our Own Songs).
I touched the very low stone statue and sat next to it, in quiet.
Then, I walked down the hill back to the center of Dan Shui town. There stood a line of cabs. By the rule, I had to walk to the first car, preying the driver knew the place I wanted to go.
“Take me to 淡水兴华店海边. “
Ok, and he started the car. I looked at him, a driver in his 40s, local looking. I was lucky.
Prior to him, for 兴华店海边, I asked many people on the Dan Shui street and searched online also, no clue.
The driver explained to me, only residents having lived long enough in certain areas of Dan Shui knew the location. It is a beach that is no longer used and has changed its name.
On 1977.9.10, Li Shuangze, a recent Dan Jiang University graduate, a war refugee from the Philippines via Hong Kong, a beach lover and strong swimmer, drowned after having rescued an American unknown to him. At the site, there is a memorial stone for him.
The driver left me on a patch of tall wild grass , pointed to behind the grass and said “The beach is behind. I’ll wait for you here.”
I walked through the grass to the beach. Beautiful sand beach, gorgeous sunset. Not one person in view. It’s no longer used for sure. I walked for a while but could not see the stone. I decided to stop. I played on my phone the two songs, to pay tribute to Li Shuangze. In front of me, was the vast Taiwan strait.
*******
In the early 1990s, at the age of 26, I came to the US to do doctoral studies in Child Psychology. In an all-English environment, I needed to study, do research, write papers, deal with mentors, classmates, lab mates, college students I was TA for, and romantic relationships. I functioned as a normal person, managing all of these (and much more after graduate school), as a normal person would do.
Although I was deprived of a lot before college, I grew up a normal person. Among the major influences and luck (including parents and teachers who knew how to instill love and sense of security when the environment seemed the opposite), were the songs from Taiwan. The songs taught me to appreciate beauty, uncertainty, to handle disappointments, and become open-minded and flexible.
I was not the only one nourished by these songs. Here are a few recent comments on Fei Xiang for her singing Gu Xiang and A Flame of Fire.
当时的费翔，就好像， 从大洋另一边，飞来个自由鸟。他不同的歌声，就像是投入大陆的音乐死水的一块石子，波澜起伏。。。 人们开始向外聆听和张望。
To us at that time (1987), Fei Xiang was a bird of freedom, flew over from the other side of the ocean. His different singing, was like a rock dropped into the dead water of the music world of mainland, causing a big splashes of waves...... People began to listen and watch, for an outside world.
80后的我第一次离开家乡上大学，大一元旦晚会演唱的这首歌，至今仍记忆犹新。故乡的云温暖着我的心田，伴我度过了无数个离家的日日夜夜。而今，身在海外，故乡的云仍是我对故乡的寄托。因为，每次抬头，我都可以看到故乡飘来的云。
I was born in the 80s. When I left home for the first time in my life to go to college, we sang this song Clouds from My Hometown at the New Year's party in freshman year. My memory is still like anew. The song warms my heart, and has accompanied me throughout countless homesick nights. Now, I'm overseas, the song still comforts my soul. Each time I look up the sky, I can see clouds from my hometown.
"Mickey Wang" was born in 1980s, and talks about how the song was healing to him throughout his life.
One Fei Xiang fan named Huang Na from a small city grew up to become a piano teacher. She once said to Fei Xiang, in front of a large audience "你成就了我。” (You've made me who I am.)
"因为费翔先生，我选择了音乐，作为我的终生职业。我现在是一个钢琴老师。。。。费翔先生的执着、还有做事认真，给我起来很好的榜样作用。现在呢，我事业有成、我带了很多的钢琴学生、很多取得了很好的成绩。。 成就了我的家庭、成就了我的事业。"
真是想哭。叹息自己无缘经历八十年代的中国，涅槃重生的清新和自由年代。
I really want to cry. I lament that I didn't have the chance to experience China in the 1980s, the refreshing and free era of Nirvana and rebirth.
"Lilian Hsieh" describes China in 1980s as 涅槃重生 Nirvana, regained its life. She lamented she did not have the opportunity to experience that. But the fact that she had such a sense of history meant that growing up, she was exposed to sound minds which are products of the China Nirvana.
**************
In 1949, a large number of Chinese, young and old, retreated to Taiwan. They, their children, in synergy with their local Taiwan families, friends and peers, created work, that, as soon as China opened up, dashed across the Taiwan strait to energize China, normalize it, and to bring a basic part of people’s life back on track.
擦眼泪的动作也这么帅。。
He looks so cool even when he wipes his tears...
In 1987, Fei Xiang’s eyes swelled with tears when he was singing “故乡的云” Clouds of My Hometown, and he surreptitiously wiped his tears. Sitting down at the stage, were his mother and grandmother. His mother went from Beijing to Taiwan to work in 1947, and the next time they saw each other was in 1986. Of course Fei Xiang had seen her mother’s agony, and of course he knew all the depth that was for his mother and grandmother to finally sit next to each other.
The long separation inspired authentic rendering of the song, soothing countless souls distant from their home base.
“我没有走过父亲走过的长路，
他的年少是几番沧桑几番血泪。
我没有看过父亲看过的国土，
他的乡愁是浩荡之江滚滚之水。
I have not walked the long road my father walked
His youth was full of struggles, blood and tears
I have not seen the country land my father saw
His homesickness is like the rolling water of a mighty river
只有悄悄等着父亲的动容，
感觉他神色最恍惚间的爱恨交错。
I can only wait to catch my father's subtle change of expressions
To capture the fleeting love and hate in a mix.
I could only quietly wait for my father's expressions to change
and catch the mixed feelings of love and hate in his most dazed expression
These are lines from Zhang Yusheng's song 《心底的中国》(China in My Heart). A sensitive child quietly observing his father's mood changes and deciphering exactly what that meant.
The work that Fei Xiang, Zhang Yusheng and their peers yielded shines with tears and blood, were created and delivered through their lives, and their parents' lives.
流，我蜿蜒身躯 Flow, I meander my body,
为寂寞行旅，普送着甘霖。for the lonely travelers, sending sweet rain.
流，我激越冲击，Flow, I rush forward with passion.
为他乡异客，唱故乡歌曲。Singing songs from hometown for travelers on foreign lands
流，高原或丘陵，Flow, plateaus or hills,
永远地前进，向东方的黎明。forever moving forward, toward the dawn in the East.
Zhang Yusheng wrote about the Yangtze River -
发源自巍峨的山上，Originating from the majestic tall mountains,
卷流下雄伟的清康藏。flowing down from the majestic QingKangZang high pleateaus.
轻拂过中国的心房，Gently brushing across China's heart,
直奔向洞庭的夕阳。heading straight toward the sunset of Dongting lake.
我泪水从那天上来，My tears came from the heaven,
狂喷下河套的色彩。spraying down to make the colors of Hetao
用胸中殷切滚烫的情怀，with the burning passion in my heart
挥洒我莫名的无奈。I express my inexplicable helplessness.
那金黄稻麦油菜桑蚕都是我的爱。The golden rice, wheat and rapeseeds fields, and the mulberry trees and silkworms are all my love,
我知道世人虔诚的膜拜。I know people also worship them devoutly.
我怒吼一片黄淮平原止不住我的爱，I roar and Huang huai plains cannot stop my love
我踉跄奔走有谁明白。Who understands me as I stumble and wonder?
在阳光下在雪地里我没有眨过眼，Under the sun and in the snow, I never blinked.
凝视古往今来的桑田沧海。gazing at the vicissitudes of life from ancient times to the present.
我是中国永远的经脉。I'm the eternal meridian of China.
This song 《黄河长江》(The Yellow River and the Yangtze River), with lyrics written and music composed by Zhang Yusheng was discovered after he passed away. I pressed the "purchase" button at the Cheapair website, while in the midst listening to it again and again.
There is only one Yellow River and one Yangtze River. There is only one core set of facts and truths about each river. The chance to capture it, there is only one. Zhang Yusheng took it. He was afforded the heart, the soul, the pen, the guitar, and magically, the painful distance, not too close, not too far, between Dan Shui and the mainland where the two rivers flow.
Hundreds of years from now, if Chinese people were not chewing on these lines when they ponder over who they are, in heaven (or anywhere else I get to), my mouth would be open in great shock.
Yusheng's mother lives in Taizhong with Yusheng's younger sister, younger brother and his wife, their three children. Without my tracking, families of Qi Qin, Pan Anbang, Ye Jiaxiu, Fei Xiang and many more of the singers, song writers must be all over Taiwan...
With deepest gratitude, I wish them the best.
Comments
Post a Comment